So as I’ve mentioned, my husband “M” and I have been trying to conceive for 13 months now. Even as I type that, it seems strange that I have become someone with fertility problems: recently it feels as though my life is revolving around every 28 days on a constant roller coaster of hope, anticipation, disappointment and then a boiling point of anger, frustration and sadness.
Let me rewind a little. Since my early 20’s I have suffered with severe period pain. I don’t mean the type of pain that is soothed with a couple of nurofen and a hot water bottle, but I mean deliberating pain, pain which makes me vomit, collapse and sweat hot and cold. Pain which I quite literally fear. It doesn’t sound right does it, and although a scan around 2006 showed that I had polycystic ovaries, it didn’t explain the pain. So in 2010 I had a laparoscopy (key hole surgery to check for endometriosis). The results of this were clear, no obvious problems, which I was pleased about on the one hand, but of course disappointed too that there was no obvious treatment for my pain. I’d tried the pill in my early 20’s and it hadn’t really agreed with me, and so I have since been limited to an array of various painkillers – none of which have given me any relief.
So fast forward back to now, and once a month I’m trapped in my own world of unbearable pain. Employers have been understanding but it’s never easy trying to have a successful job with this condition. And now I’m facing the dreaded “infertility” word and cannot help think that the two things must be linked – yet noone is able to make the connection for me. So for now, I live in hope that I might stumble across an amazing cure all on my own. I try different things each month and will use this blog as a place to update.