It seems my life is ruled sometimes by the 28 days of my cycle. I don’t want to live my life from month to month, but as soon as I get my period, I find myself waiting for the window of ovulation so we can try again. And then of course I’m in the two week wait, before my period arrives again. When I do get my period, it hits me hard because:
1) I’m not pregnant. Again.
2) The pain is horrendous – I consider it a good month if I don’t collapse and black out, or vomit from the pain
3) Whatever I have planned, be it going to work or seeing friends, has to be cancelled, as I can barely leave my bed let alone the house. When it’s work that I miss I spend the whole day worrying and feeling helpless
And so to deal with this trauma, I’ve decided that each month when my period comes (which of course it does, every time), I get a little treat. It’s not always possible to buy myself something every month, so I have to get creative, but I always decide what I’m going to get before I get my period so I have something to look forward to. So for example, a few months ago I decided that if I got my period then I would go and get my hair dyed really really blonde, just for a change as much as anything else. So I had a few miserable days but it helped knowing that I had something that was going to make me feel good: it’s almost an incentive to keep me going sometimes. Other months I have treated myself to a whole night of pampering (something I love but never make the time for), or I’ve bought a lovely bubble bath. It doesn’t have to be something huge, but just something to acknowledge that I’ve been through a time.
I think the point of this post is that when you are trying to conceive and it’s not happening then it’s hard. It’s exhausting and it feels like a battle that might never be won. It’s draining and sometimes the only answer is to have a really good cry. So we should take the time to be kind to ourselves, to accept that this is not an easy time and perhaps acknowledge that we are stronger and braver than perhaps we give ourselves credit for.