A weekend of fun: a negative test result and an infertility clinic

So, I think it’s in the title really, this weekend has been quite difficult- but I think I”m feeling ok about it.

So to begin with, there was the BFN (Big Fat No) yesterday. Why was I even surprised? We had completely missed trying at the correct time this month, so why would I even let myself think it possible? Last week I was being so sensible, really I was, but then the “what ifs” started to creep in. I had a cold earlier in the month so what if I ovulated later this month, and so actually we did try at the right time after all? And why weren’t my breasts sore straight after ovulation this month? Why? Why?! Cue Google and lots of posts telling me that this is a positive sign of being pregnancy for some (of course it is, everything is if you Google it correctly!). And so I allowed myself to feel hopeful anyway, when I never really had a right to. I stared and stared at the test on Saturday morning, holding it in different lights and pulling silly squinty faces to try and see the non-existent second line. Reluctantly I finally threw it away after a good 10 minutes of some serious studying.

So anyway, following that delightful start to the day, it was onto the infertility clinic, for my first initial chat. Nothing much to say on this really, only that it all made the whole thing a lot more real. I took a few deep breathes when I first arrived as I wanted to be as coherent as possible, not sobbing uncontrollably. I actually managed to hold it together pretty well and the next step is a hysterosalpingogram (can anyone actually say this?!) and then we go from there once the results are in.

Feeling a bit defeated but trying to remember it’s my hormones as well that are bringing me down. I always feel this way around now, and thankfully it does always pass. Come on period just show up so I can move onto the next month please.

SC x

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6 thoughts on “A weekend of fun: a negative test result and an infertility clinic

  1. Congrats on taking the next step. It’s hugely scary, but it’s easier to accept it when you realize it’s insane to keep trying what you’ve been doing in the hopes of getting a different result. Some women have increased fertility have an HSG test, so there’s that too!

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    • Thank you so much for posting this, I hadn’t actually googled anything about the test yet, and didn’t know there was potentially a benefit to fertility as well, it’s made me feel a lot better about having it done (even if nothing happens afterwards, the possibility will be enough to get me in the right mind set to have it done). Thank you x

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    • Thank you! Yes nervous about the test but just learnt it could be a positive thing so trying to think of it as something that will physically help me out. Just got to get my head into the right space now 🙂 x

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  2. Oh, do I feel the same way! Literally — this evening I was surreptitiously poking at my breasts to see if they were sore. 🙂

    Sorry about your BFN — isn’t it amazing how even when you’re almost certain you aren’t pregnant, you can’t help but hope? I’ll be thinking if you next month.

    Good for you for taking the first step of going to the fertility center. I hope they’ll be able to find a solvable problem soon. I’ve been through the HSG deal, and while I think it’s different for everyone, it was really not that bad for me, so please don’t be too freaked out by what you’ll read on the internet. Do take your ibuprofin ahead of time, but for me at least it was no worse than moderate period cramps, and it was over really, really fast (my husband dropped me off at the hospital and went to park the car, and I met him in the hallway as he was walking in and I was walking out!). Good luck!

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    • Thank you so much for this comment – I don’t know many people who have had this test (most of my friends have had no trouble conceiving) so it’s so reassuring to hear from others who have been through it. I’m glad it was fast, part of my worry is that I’ll be there for ages feeling uncomfortable so that is really good to know x

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