So, I think it’s in the title really, this weekend has been quite difficult- but I think I”m feeling ok about it.
So to begin with, there was the BFN (Big Fat No) yesterday. Why was I even surprised? We had completely missed trying at the correct time this month, so why would I even let myself think it possible? Last week I was being so sensible, really I was, but then the “what ifs” started to creep in. I had a cold earlier in the month so what if I ovulated later this month, and so actually we did try at the right time after all? And why weren’t my breasts sore straight after ovulation this month? Why? Why?! Cue Google and lots of posts telling me that this is a positive sign of being pregnancy for some (of course it is, everything is if you Google it correctly!). And so I allowed myself to feel hopeful anyway, when I never really had a right to. I stared and stared at the test on Saturday morning, holding it in different lights and pulling silly squinty faces to try and see the non-existent second line. Reluctantly I finally threw it away after a good 10 minutes of some serious studying.
So anyway, following that delightful start to the day, it was onto the infertility clinic, for my first initial chat. Nothing much to say on this really, only that it all made the whole thing a lot more real. I took a few deep breathes when I first arrived as I wanted to be as coherent as possible, not sobbing uncontrollably. I actually managed to hold it together pretty well and the next step is a hysterosalpingogram (can anyone actually say this?!) and then we go from there once the results are in.
Feeling a bit defeated but trying to remember it’s my hormones as well that are bringing me down. I always feel this way around now, and thankfully it does always pass. Come on period just show up so I can move onto the next month please.