Here We Go Again

So I haven’t mentioned this yet, but the HSG test did have a side effect after all: my period. A week early. Only a little over 3 weeks from the previous one.

For some, this probably wouldn’t be a big deal, but for me, it’s a nightmare because of the crippling pain / missed time off work. And this one was bad. Bad in a way I won’t even go into, but it was three days of utter agony and was physically and mentally exhausting.

But anyway, onwards and upwards – we are onto a new month of trying. I thought I’d feel excited but to be honest I just feel a bit defeated by it all at the moment. I’m still waiting for the HSG results and have been tormenting myself with what they might show. Despite a laparoscopy five years ago which said no endometriosis, I’m convinced I must have something like that, because what else could be causing this type of pain? Pain that causes black outs and prevents me from being able to think in a coherent way cannot be normal can it? But to diagnose this I would need another laparoscopy – last time I took a long time to recover and I just don’t feel that I can through another. And it’s more time off work again. I guess I’ll worry about that if and when it becomes a possibility.

So yes, trying to muster up some enthusiasm for this month, but to be honest, after almost a year and a half of absolutely nothing it really doesn’t feel like pregnancy is even a possibility. I see pictures of people’s positive pregnancy tests, with the two lines peeping out, and  can’t even begin to imagine what it must feel like to see those two little life changers staring back at me. I’ve only ever been a one line kind of girl.

Last month was my month off, and it was interesting because despite knowing that there was absolutely no chance of pregnancy, I still had “symptoms”. Of course the sore breasts, but also weird stabbing pains, nausea and bleeding gums. What I hope this has shown me is that obviously these “symptoms” do not automatically mean that I am pregnant, sometimes they are just part of my monthly cycle. So I’m hoping this month I can ignore a lot of these feelings and therefore feel a little more sane as we move onto a brand new month on the TTC treadmill.

SC x

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6 thoughts on “Here We Go Again

  1. I have Adenomyosis, endometriosis of the uterine lining and it’s /terrible./ It’s also unable to be identified unless during a lap, and there’s no real way to fix it because they really don’t know much about it. Supposedly it doesn’t affect fertility, but they really don’t know. I had a lap to remove endo and while my periods are much much lighter, the pain isn’t due to adenomyosis. You aren’t alone. Hope this cycle is it, so you don’t have to worry about the HSG!

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    • So sorry to hear you suffer from all of that -thank you for letting me know I’m not alone – I suppose it’s fortunate that I don’t know anyone else that suffers this way but it sometimes does make me a bit alone with it all. Thank you for your lovely message 🙂 x

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  2. Hunh, you didn’t get your HSG results right away? They were chattering away while I was going through it (“There’s the dye spilling out of one side, do you see it? Yup, there it is coming out the other side,” etc). Too bad they weren’t as communicative about yours. I hope it wasn’t too terribly painful for you. So sorry about the tough/early period, and hoping for good news this month.

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    • I was so surprised they wouldn’t let me see as well! After everything I’d read on the internet I thought I would get to see everything, but was told I’d have to wait. Thanks for the message 🙂 x

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  3. All of us on this brutal journey feel that way sometimes, like pregnancy isn’t even a possibility. Don’t let those feelings lie to you. There is always Hope. Even though it doesn’t always feel that way. After 3 1/2 years, I gave up symptom spotting a long time ago. Especially if you are on med’s. I’ve had every symptom in the book, including the bleeding gums, and never been pregnant. We can drive ourselves mad with the symptom spotting. I hope you can get some answers as to why you are having such pain and I pray your last line become a reality for you, to handle this month with a little more sanity and peace of mind. Praying for all good things to come your way.

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    • Thanks so much for such a sweet message 🙂 these symptoms are set to try us I’m sure….I’m hoping now I just ignore them as they clearly mean nothing… ! Thank you for your lovely wishes x

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