So, a break from everything from me this month: it’s been the month of the HSG test. And just to explain my title there – at our initial appointment we were warned, not once, not twice, but THREE times by our nurse that we were not, under any circumstance to have sex before this test. I mean yes it was obviously very important that we didn’t – but come on, we don’t need telling three times. And nor do I need it written down in bold AND underlined on my information letter. Thank you but I can see the warning just fine in normal font.
So anyway, the HSG test. I was nervous. I promised myself I wouldn’t Google horror stories. But of course I did. I might as well have googled the actual words “Google horror stories”. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t stay away from ridiculous Google searches which are never going to do me any good whatsoever!
The test itself wasn’t great, but not as bad as I”d worked up in my head. Having the speculum inserted was far more painful than the dye being pumped through, which I’d read was meant to be the worst part. I suffer from horrendously painful periods and this wasn’t anymore painful than those. What I was disappointed about though was that I wasn’t able to watch the dye going through my tubes on the screen, like I’ve read some women have been able to. I have to wait two weeks and then phone up to make an appointment to get the results.
I”m worried what it will show. Blocked tubes? Fibroids, cysts? A weird shaped uterus? Part of me wants everything to be all clear, but part of me wants there to be something wrong, something to explain the pain I go through every month, and something to explain why after 15 months we are still not pregnant. For now, I have to be patient and wait. Oh dear. Not my strong point.
And, since my HSG test was after ovulation, we really haven’t been able to try this month. And this forced break has done me the world of good. I’ve had a lovely month feeling like myself again. No living my life around my cycle and when I might be ovulating and whether I should be drinking etc. It’s almost like a little holiday, away from the “trying to get pregnant” person I seem to have become. The only problem is, we didn’t try because we were forced to have a break this month (quite literally, see title of this blog and remember the bold and underlined scary letter), but I”m not sure I would be able to take a break if there wasn’t a real reason to. The temptation of trying when I know I”m ovulating would be too much and I expect I would give in – but hey, another six months of this and maybe I will go on another little break and enjoy being just me again for a bit.
So for now, it’s all about the patience. Oh good.