“No sex this month – do you understand?”

So, a break from everything from me this month: it’s been the month of the HSG test. And just to explain my title there – at our initial appointment we were warned, not once, not twice, but THREE times by our nurse that we were not, under any circumstance to have sex before this test. I mean yes it was obviously very important that we didn’t – but come on, we don’t need telling three times. And nor do I need it written down in bold AND underlined on my information letter. Thank you but I can see the warning just fine in normal font.

So anyway, the HSG test. I was nervous. I promised myself I wouldn’t Google horror stories. But of course I did. I might as well have googled the actual words “Google horror stories”. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t stay away from ridiculous Google searches which are never going to do me any good whatsoever!

The test itself wasn’t great, but not as bad as I”d worked up in my head. Having the speculum inserted was far more painful than the dye being pumped through, which I’d read was meant to be the worst part. I suffer from horrendously painful periods and this wasn’t anymore painful than those. What I was disappointed about though was that I wasn’t able to watch the dye going through my tubes on the screen, like I’ve read some women have been able to. I have to wait two weeks and then phone up to make an appointment to get the results.

I”m worried what it will show. Blocked tubes? Fibroids, cysts? A weird shaped uterus? Part of me wants everything to be all clear, but part of me wants there to be something wrong, something to explain the pain I go through every month, and something to explain why after 15 months we are still not pregnant. For now, I have to be patient and wait. Oh dear. Not my strong point.

And, since my HSG test was after ovulation, we really haven’t been able to try this month. And this forced break has done me the world of good. I’ve had a lovely month feeling like myself again. No living my life around my cycle and when I might be ovulating and whether I should be drinking etc. It’s almost like a little holiday, away from the “trying to get pregnant” person I seem to have become. The only problem is, we didn’t try because we were forced to have a break this month (quite literally, see title of this blog and remember the bold and underlined scary letter), but I”m not sure I would be able to take a break if there wasn’t a real reason to. The temptation of trying when I know I”m ovulating would be too much and I expect I would give in – but hey, another six months of this and maybe I will go on another little break and enjoy being just me again for a bit.

So for now, it’s all about the patience. Oh good.

SC x

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Never going to be that kind of woman….

So a bit of a different update, because there’s just nothing whatsoever going on in the TTC world for me – I have an HSG Test on the 7th April and we aren’t allowed to try before it, and since it’s after my fertile window, this month really is out for us. More on that in another update I think.

Today is a reflection and an understanding that I’m never going to be one of those women who appear to have it all together  -do you know the type I mean? Perfect hair and clothes that don’t seem to bobble or lose their shape. They don’t trip up on the street and they don’t lose their bank cards every other month. They don’t ever seem to have more than one bag, whereas I often do a good impression of a bag lady and sometimes lug around two or three (all full of crap). I bet if you put your hand in the bottom of their handbag it would be clean, not full of biscuit crumbs, old mints and 67 shop receipts. Please don’t be offended if you are one of those women, I would like to be a little more like you sometimes, but I’ve accepted it’s unlikely to happen!

A little example? Ok so on Thursday I had to head into London for a fairly important meeting. I attempted to wear my “smart” work clothes which was a black shirt and grey skirt (exciting I know). So I got up pretty early and got dressed practically in the dark. I grabbed a pair of black tights from the spare room where they had been drying and pulled them on. What I didn’t notice, was that Lucy, my cat, must have at some point fancied a snooze on my clean washing, and my tights were covered, (and I mean COVERED) in white fur. I only notice this however when I get to the bus stop. And do you think those bloody little hairs would come off? Oh no. It was like they were superglued. It was also pouring with rain, which aided the whole glue effect. Picture weird hopping around whilst simultaneously trying to brush down my legs.

So I get into London and head to Starbucks for a drink as I”m early (I can at least manage my time, if nothing else). I fumble around for a pen to make a few notes, but all I can find in my bag is a bright pink pen with a little bear holding a flower hanging from it – are you f*cking kidding me?!! My cousins daughter had got it for me for my birthday, and although it’s sweet, it’s hardly appropriate for a meeting. So instead of enjoying my tea, I spent the next ten minutes trying to break the chain with my teeth between the bright pink pen and the little bear. Hardly the look of sophistication, and why do I never see this sort of thing happening to other people?!

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And while i’m on this subject, last year I had a shoe fiasco, it was only at the bus stop at the END of the day did I notice the below – as I said, I”m just never going to be one of those women! At least I can honestly say there isn’t a dull moment 🙂

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